Friday, December 11, 2015

Depression Stinks!

So I suffer from depression.  it's not a fun thing at all.  Things that I struggle with are keeping moving, and perpetual sadness.  With winter coming on, it makes things really hard.  It makes it hard with less sunlight. I really don't like it at all.  It makes life harder to handle.  
So it's quite hard to explain unless you deal with it everyday.
The main problem is that I don't want to do anything.  This makes me unable to focus.  Then add the continual headache, and day are not good.  I just want to lay around and watch TV.  I can only concentrate for maybe 5 minutes.  It's hard to follow through with anything.
I feel like a failure, I panic about leaving the house.  What if I say the wrong thing.  People must think I am a total slacker.  I don't help anyone because I can't help myself.
I'm not a good mom.  I don't keep on the kids about homework or chores or instruments.  I can't fight with them about everything.  If they don't do it on their own, then it might not get done.
I am super blessed, though.  I have a sweet husband who listens to me.  He picks up the slack.  He takes care of the kids.  He listens to me.

Things that do help:  Chocolate, sunshine, flowers, talking.  I also have found that reading scriptures, listening to conference, and praying are great helps.  It keeps me focused on what matters, and keeps the Spirit of the Holy Ghost close.  Feeling the spirit reminds me who I am, and Whose I am. Pin It

Sunday, October 4, 2015

Toe the Line

Okay, so I'm certain most of you have stubbed your toe. Probably more than once. So this cannot be too surprising, especially since I am the clumsiest person around.
(A bit of back story: Julia broke her toes a while back. Severely. Surgery and a knee scooter were involved. She is my daughter, so that was passed along.)
I was getting ready to head out to a hair appointment. Had it planned for 2 weeks. So as I walked past the couch toward the door, I stubbed my pinky toe. Not a small injury either. (If you are going to do some thing, make it count!) My pinky toe was at a 90 °
So I straightened my toe, put on my flip flops, and headed out the door.
Along the way it began to swell, which helped keep it still.
I got my hair done, and enjoyed visiting with my good friend. By the time I was done, my toe had become quite swollen.
I carefully drove home, called Tony, and had Ari drive me to the doctor. (The pain had become unbearable.)
When we got there, Ari helped me walk in. We were taken back to the exam room and my blood pressure and temperature were recorded.
Dr Isaacson came in and asked the story. He was shocked I would set my own bone. But I had a hair appointment! That's super important!
Apparently, setting the toe was the best thing I could have done. Had I not, the swelling would have held the break and they would have had to wait for it to decrease and possibly rebreaking it to set it.
I have been asked how I knew what to do, and I know it was the Holy Ghost. I could see what I needed to do to fix the toe.
I am very grateful for the companionship of the Holy Ghost in my life.

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Tuesday, September 29, 2015

What is the Diagnosis???

{Please note, there are links in this post to outside sources}

For the past almost 2 years, life has been more and more difficult.  I can barely function.  I can barely make it as a mom some days.  I want to keep the house clean and tidy.  I want to help the kids in school and with their homework.  I can barely think of the right words most days.  I am really good at laying down or watching TV or reading, but that is all.
Let me back up a bit.
In the fall of 2013 I ran a marathon. It was so amazing!!!  I can say that now because it is over.  It felt so good to say "I have run a marathon!"
About a month later I started having pain in my hands and feet.  It got so bad that I can no longer wear socks to be (which I did every night, even in summer).
Then I became extremely dizzy.  I was diagnosed with Mal de Debarquement or "MDD" about 9 years ago after a boating trip we took as a family.  Though I had gotten better, the symptoms returned and are now in full force.  
At the beginning of 2014 I went to the doctor to see what could be done.  He referred me to a neurologist. I went to see the neurologist a few times.  he mainly just gave me a bunch of medications.  It made me feel like I was always in a fog.  In fact, I was involved in a fender bender and decided to quit driving until the medicine was out of my system. 
After that my shoulders and neck began to ache.  Sometimes it would be so bad I couldn't move.  
The pain in my feet and hands started spreading.  My legs and arms now hurt.  
A shocking sensation started next.  I would be doing whatever, then it would feel like I was being electrocuted.  Just a zap, but it would unnerve me something fierce.  
Another symptom I didn't mention earlier, but is also debilitating, shaking hands.  I can't do much anymore.  Put on make-up.  Needlepoint.  Writing.  Even signing my name is so difficult. It is probably the most frustrating thing.
So I went back to my doctor to find out what else I could do to feel better.  He sent me to a neurological specialist team.  They did a bunch of tests.  After looking at everything, and starting to believe I was just making it up, they all of a sudden jumped up and said, "You have Status Migrainosus!"  They were about to walk out of the room, when we asked them what to do.  We were told that our family doctor could help with it.  
So we tried that route.  But the drugs that our doctor suggested didn't work.  Almost made the problem worse.  
So that was about a years time.  Finally I decided to take a break.  It was the holidays, then it was our daughter getting married.  After that, I finally went back.  I was ready to try once again.  So our doctor referred us to a specialist.  I remember reading her profile and being so excited.  She totally sounded like someone who could help!
Now I thought it was horrible trying to get into the last guys, but this seemed to be the worst.  First of all, the secretary kept forgetting or something to get a hold of the specialist.  I would call and call, with nothing.  Then it seemed that the specialist's office lost things, or didn't write things down, or something. It was 2 months before they even had me on the waiting list!!!  I kept thinking that maybe I wasn't supposed to go see this doctor.  That maybe I was supposed to get use to how I feel. 
I finally got in to see her, the migraine doctor, last week.   She actually took me seriously.  It was amazing.  She had a team of doctors who listened to my symptoms, and worked together to figure out what to do.  
For now I am trying a sleep aid, that also helps with depression, so get that part of my body working correctly.  I am also going to start exercising again, once my toe is healed, but that story will have to wait until later.
I am finally hopeful that this will go away, or at least be manageable.  I cannot wait. Pin It

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Forgotten Treasure!

I have been going through stuff, ya know, decluttering.
Well, I came across this wonderful gem!  I love it!
It completely made my day!

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Monday, October 27, 2014

My Prize

Went to the doctor today, and this is what I got, in lieu of a sucker or sticker.  A new faucet is SO much better than a  sucker. Pin It

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