What is Bullying & How to Stop It

So as I have been praying, doing research, and thinking about our situation.  Obviously most resources I googled are not from lds.org. So this morning I decided to only search the church's site.  Here are the articles I came across that have quite a bit of information to help us help our Miss K.

The first one is from the Friend Magazine.  I felt this one helped quite a bit, since in elementary school, bullying is different from the middle or high schools.  It is titled Stop Bullying Now by Hilary M Hendricks.
It discusses what constitutes bullying.  "Bullying is hurting others by scaring them, leaving them out, making fun of them, using mean words, or harming them physically."
It then gives steps a child can take to help.
1. Tell an adult.
2. Stay in safe places.
3. Tell the bully to stop.
4. Remember your worth as a Child of God.
There are also things to do if you see a bully situation that you want to stop.
1. Don't go along.  (Boy, this one seems to be what DOES happen quite often.  Sometimes we may feel that if we don't go along, the bully will turn on us.)
2. Tell the bully to stop.
3. Tell an adult.
4. Be a friend.  (I know from my own experiences that just having a friend who I could team up with,  made the bully lose their power over us.) 

The next article is from the New Era.  This is basically the same advice, just at a more mature level.  How to Beat Bullying.  "Matt Watson, a therapist with LDS Family Services, says a behavior can be called bullying “when there’s fear and intimidation or when someone says ‘Stop,’ but the behavior continues. There’s no acknowledgment of the victim’s feelings.” Bullying can make people feel worthless, friendless, and alone." 
I was surprised that the advice given was similar, with a few exceptions, for teens.
What others can do.
1. Say something.
2. Tell an adult.
3. Reach out.
If you are being bullied.
1. Try to appear calm and confident.
2. Tell an adult.
3. Avoid being alone.
4. Don't blame yourself.
5. Forgive.

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The Saga Continues...

The saga of the Bullying has continued.
A week after Miss K came home telling us about the bullying situation, I recieved an email message from her teacher.  This told me two things.
1) She has a super perceptive teacher.  I am so grateful for her.  I love her, and so does Miss K.
2)  This is a real problem.  Not just something that is being blown out of proportion.  If a teacher is noticing  such things, they are real.
We have been discussing the occurrences each day.   How was the day.  What did so and so say?  How did you handle it?  What did you say?  What can you do or say to make the situation more happy for all involved?

I also have been wondering what I should do.  Should I talk to the other parents?  Should I just hope that things get better.  Gorgeous Graduate, who was bullied, said that this is exactly how things began for her.  First it was one friend in the ward.  Then it lead to another friend, and another, until she felt it was the whole school.  I did, at the time, speak with one of the parents, who I felt comfortable discussing this with.  She said she had already seen a problem, but nothing she did or said seemed to work.  She had also spoken with another parent whose child was acting the same way.
Okay, so I will not go into more of that, just to say that I DO NOT want Miss K to feel the same way Gorgeous Graduate felt.
Sir Spoil-Her-Highness was against talking to anyone, but I told him I felt I should.  So this morning, while getting ready to head out for a run with my running mates, I asked their opinion.  It was a resounding, instant, "Yes!  Speak to the parents and do it soon.  Do not wait to see what happens.  It must be stopped. Now!"
So I did something that was so super hard.  I spoke with a wonderful friend and told them I needed help with this situation.  I needed the bullying to stop.  I will speak to the other parent tomorrow and have the same discussion.  (Yeah, it was a CRAZY day and I wasn't able to get the other call made.)
Miss K has been going to school happily (and on time, I might add, as opposed to last year, which was half an hour late.)  I did not want the same fight we had last year.  It was so hard to have this discussion.  But I think that now it will help.
I am going to let Miss K's teacher know that I have spoken with the parents, and to let me know if this has helped or made things worse.  I am hoping for it to help.
We shall see...
Pardon the run on sentences. Pin It

Hope

As I have been studying about hope, I have learned quite a bit.  I have tried to make it "stick".  Just this past week, I found myself feeling stuck and not of worth.  Yes, yes, I know,  this is Satan speaking.  But when you are in the moment, it seems real.  It can seem true.  I truly believe that if I didn't know that I was a daughter of God, I would have just quit everything.
Okay, so let me share a few things I am dealing with.
First, I am training for a marathon.  It's my first full marathon.  I am a runner.  A distance runner.  Not that crazy sprinting stuff.  I love trail running (like hiking, only faster).  But...I am old(er).  40 if you must know.  And things don't work like they used to.  My knees especially.  (What's up with that?!?)  So with just a few weeks to go, my knee goes out.  OUT!  I can't bend it at all.  Why?  So I quit running.  But only for a week.   I then get back on the wagon.  after going to a Doc to see what I need to do.  And it seems I just need to stretch more often while running.  And rub some goop on my knee (which does not smell.  Weird!).  So, yeah, this was just a week,  but I tell you, I was having a hard time with it.  It made me feel like a failure.  Like I didn't take care of myself.  Like I didn't really pray and ask about whether I should run this thing.  Or maybe I just didn't listen or understand. 

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Through Study and ... Even More Study

President Boyd K. Packer often reminds us that “all of us—leaders, teachers, missionaries, and parents—have a lifelong challenge from the Lord to both teach and learn the doctrines of the gospel as they have been revealed to us.”As simply stated by Elder L. Tom Perry, “Every position in the Church requires an effective teacher.”

Since every member is a teacher and “teaching is the center of all that we do,”  we all have a sacred responsibility to learn some basic principles of teaching. There are many principles of teaching and learning, and it is not enough for us just to read about them. First, we need to understand these basic principles, and second, we need to be shown how they are used by successful teachers. This can be done by carefully watching able teachers in our wards and branches and reviewing the worldwide leadership training meeting on teaching and learning found on the Church Web site or in Church magazines.

 I know that as a student, I also need to take the time to prepare for a lesson.  I read the material and come with questions.  I also like to discuss somethings with other family members, get a different perspective on the subject. 
I know it can be hard to fit everything in.  We read personal, couple and family scriptures.  We say personal, couple, and family prayer.  Then we prepare the lesson we will be giving.  Now we are suppose to find time to study a lesson we are going to listen to?
It doesn't have to be that intense.  We can simply read through the material.
For Sunday School, simply read the assigned scriptures.  For Relief Society or Priesthood meeting, read the current chapter of Teachings of the Prophets.  or talks.  This can take the place of daily reading of the Book of Mormon, if time is limited. Even skimming is beneficial.

I also like to listen to the lesson.  I will turn it on my PC or small portable device and listen as I put dishes away or fold laundry.  It brings the spirit into our home, and keeps me focused.  It also helps the teacher, as someone will be in the class who has a comment or question. Pin It

Princess vs Frog (Combating Bullying)

We have been enjoying the busyness of back to school.
Though it has been quite hectic (wasn't I supposed to have some down time?) we were all settling into our routines and doing very nicely, we have hit a bump.

Miss K has experienced a friendship hiccup.
She says they are going to "break-up".  
When asked what happened, she says that her friend just told her not to talk to her anymore.
After the long weekend, we thought it would have ended.
But it didn't.

Her friend would not let her play with her, and went to play with another friend of Miss K's.
So now it's 2 against 1.
This morning we decided to talk to her about it.

I had Sir Spoil-Her-Highness tell her about a time that his friends didn't want to play with him.
He just went to the other side of the playground and played alone.
Within 10 minutes his friends apologized and wanted to play again.

He then asked Miss K
What are you? A Princess, or a Frog.
Princess of course.
How are Princesses and Frogs different?
Looks, dresses,  green large eyes and legs.
How do frogs eat?
They catch bugs with their sticky tongues.
How do Princesses eat?
They use a fork or spoon.
What does a frog do if a Frog eats a yucky tasting bug?
It's stuck to their tongue.
What does a Princess do if She eats something yucky?
I don't know.
They spit it on their fork or spoon and place it on the edge of their plate.
Now, what does this have to do with being bullied?
If someone says something mean, you can be a Frog and keep it stuck inside.
Or you can be a Princess and spit it out.  Do not internalize it.

I am hoping this will be the best way to resolve things.  I am very much against bullying.  The next step will be to go to the teacher and/or parents.  Here's hoping. Pin It